Exquisite Insults

Without realizing it, I suddenly realize it's Saturday! Finally. Time for some fun. But I had an extraordinarily busy week and I did not have enough sleep. So I feel very grumpy. I feel like screaming. So I'll choose some jokes which match my black mood. I'm lucky, as always. I found some words which sting in exquisite style. If you feel like insulting someone, take your pick. It's venom, but sugarcoated with wit. So here they come.

 

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.                         --Winston Churchchill

 

I have never killed a man. But I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.      --Clarence Darrow

 

Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?

          --Ernest Hemingway about William Faulkner

 

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.                                    --Groucho Marx

 

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approve of it.                  --Mark Twain

 

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends                            --Oscar Wilde

 

I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend...if you have one.

       --George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

Cannot possibly attend the first night; will attend the second, if there is one

           --Winston Churchill to George Bernard Shaw

 

I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here.                         --Robert Redford

 

They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge

                                        --Thomas Brackett Reed

 

He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forbears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them.   

                --James Reston ( about Richard Nixon)

 

In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily                 --Count Charles Talleyrand

 

He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.

                                                 --Forest Tucker

 

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any one I know.            --Abraham Lincoln

 

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.                              --Mae West

 

He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp posts--for support rather than illumintion.  

                                             --Andrew Lang

 

He has Van Gogh's ear for music.  --Billy Wilder

 

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.                           

                                                      --Oscar Wilde

 

A modest little person, with much to be modest about.

                                     --Winston Churchchill

 

Strangely, by the time I'm done transcribing these lines, an overwhelming peace has returned to my heart. The power of catharsis by words!