A Weekend of Love

Just got back from a short trip to Macau. Somehow I couldn't get over the fact that nowadays, churches are no longer what they used to be. I still remember learning from a lecture on French culture in a summer course in Nice many many years ago that in the Middle Ages, no building in any town or village are legally permitted to rise above the level of the tip of the bell tower of its church! Since it's time for our week end fun, how about a short joke on church bells.

Hearing that her elderly grandfather has just passed away, a girl goes
straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother.

When she asks how
her grandfather died, her grandmother replies, “He had a heart attack while we were
making love on Sunday morning.”


Horrified, the girl says, “Two people nearly 100 years old having sex! Surely
that’s asking for trouble?"

“Oh no, my dear,” replies granny. “Many years ago,  we realized that we
should slow down. By trial and error and perhaps by the grace of God, we found the best time to do it was just as the church bells start to
toll...

"They have just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. In on the Ding
and out

on the Dong..."

Wiping away a tear she continues, “And if that goddam ice cream
van hadn't shown up, he'd still be alive today!"

Just as I was about to close off this blog, I got another one from one of my friends which is too good not to pass around. This time it's not sex to church bell. It's something rather more exotic. What do I mean? Read.

It's year 2222. Charlie and Maureen have just landed on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier milage.

They
meet a Martian couple, talking about all sorts of things.
Charlie asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers,
how they make money, etc.

Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.

'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen.

The Martian responds, 'Pretty much the way you do.'

A
discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for
the night and experience one another...

Maureen and the male Martian go
off to a bedroom where the Martian strips... He's got only a teeny,
weenie member about half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick.

'I don't think this is going to work,' says Maureen..

'Why?' he asks. 'What's the matter?'

'Well,' she replies, 'it's just not long enough to
reach me!'

'No problem,' he says, and proceeds to slap his
forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows
until it's quite impressive.

'Well,' she says, 'that's quite impressive, but it is still narrow.'

'No
problem,' he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his
member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely
exciting to the woman.

'Wow!' she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad passionate love.

The
next day the couples rejoin their other partners and go their separate
ways.

As they walked along, Charlie asks, 'Well, was it any good?'

'I hate to say it,' says Maureen, 'but it was wonderful. How about you?'

'It was horrible,' he replies.

'All I got was a headache. That stupid bitch just kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.'

Have fun! It's weekend already!