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2014年4月26日 星期六

Saturday Fun

Have been extremely busy lately. But just got the following from a friend today which I think is too good not to pass around. I don't know if it's true. But here it is:

A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands.

The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?" 
All of the women raised their hands.
Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"  Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember. 
The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: "I love you, sweetheart."
They were then told to exchange their phones with another person, and to read aloud the text message they received in response.

Here are some of the replies: 

I.   Who the hell is this? 
2.   Hey, mother of my children, are you sick or what? 
3.   Yes, and I love you too. What's up?? 
4.   What now?  Did you wreck the car again?
5.   I don't understand what you mean?
6.   What the sh_ _ did you do now?
7.   Don't beat around the bush, just tell me how much you need?
8.   Am I dreaming? 
9.   If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
10. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.
11. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?

What does that tell us about their relationships?  Certainly something to ponder over during the weekend.  Whatever the results of such ruminations may be, have a nice weekend.


2014年4月12日 星期六

Saturday Fun.

For the past week, I've had a hard time preparing for and figuring out what and how to present a talk on the Taoist philosophy on time. I left Taoist time behind at the doorsteps of the our society last night. I realize that it's time for some Saturday fun instead. But somehow, it seems that time won't leave me alone. What can I do but have my own back at that ambiguous subject which we all seem to know only too well but which on reflection find that we really don't. So here's my revenge on the time I spent on "Time" for one whole week. 

1. Who’s Calling?

One day the Air Traffic Control Tower received a call from an aircraft asking, “What time is it?” 

The duty officer responded, “Who is calling?” 
The aircraft replied, “What difference does it make?” 
The duty officer replied “Sir, it makes a huge difference:
    1) If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o’clock.
    2) If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.
    3) If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
    4) If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3.
    5) If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it’s Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to “Happy Hour.”


2.  What Time is it?

     Blonde    :  Excuse me, what time is it right now?
     Man        :  It’s 11:25PM.
     Blonde    : You know, it’s the weirdest thing, I’ve asked that question thirty times today, 

                      and every time someone gives me a different answer.

3.  Social time

     A social worker asks a colleague: “What time is it?”
    The other one answers: “Sorry, don’t know, I forgot my watch today"
    The first one: “Never mind! The main thing is that we talked about it.”


4.  What Time?

A man who had been driving all night decided to and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep.He chose what appeared a quiet street. No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place.
“Yes?”
“Excuse me, sir,” the jogger said, “do you have the time?” The man looked at the car clock and answered, “7:15.”
The jogger said thanks and left. 

The man settled back again, and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger.
“Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?”
“7:25!”
The jogger said thanks and left.
Now the man could see other joggers passing by. To avoid being disturbed again put a sign in his window saying, “I do not know the time!” and went back to sleep.

Just as he was just dozing off, there was another knock on the window.
“Sir, sir? It’s 7:45!


5.   Timely advice

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed .

"Dino, I wanta you to listen to me. I wanta you to take mya 45 automatic pistol, so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don’t like guns, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead."
"You lisina to me, some day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple od bambino. Some day you goina come hom and maybe finda you wife in bed with another man. Whata you gonna do then? Pointa to yah watch and say, “times up?"


6.  Asking for Time in Tibet


A man and his wife are on vacation in Tibet.
While shopping in a small village, the wife asks her husband what time it was.

Looking down at his wrist, the man realized he had left his watch in the hotel room.
After a few unsuccessful attempts to find an English speaking local, the couple finally find an elderly man sitting quietly on the street with his donkey.
“Excuse me,” the husband says, “could you tell us the time?”
“Absolutely”, replies the elderly man, and with that he reaches down and grabs the donkey’s balls. “It is 3:00″, the man exclaims.
“Thank you” replies the wife.
After doing some shopping and grabbing a bite to eat, the couple return to the old man for the time.
Again the elderly man grabs the donkey by the balls and says: “It is now 4:45.”
The husband is completely amazed.
“Please show me how you can tell the time simply by grabbing this donkey’s balls!”
“Certainly,” the elderly man replies motioning for the couple to come closer.
“Sit here where I am,” the man begins. “Now, do you see the donkey’s balls?”
“Of course”, the man replies. “Now reach down and take them into your hand.”
Hesitantly the husband does as he is instructed thinking this could prove to be an enlightening experience.
“Now, slowly lift the donkey’s balls”, he continues.
Again the husband does as he is instructed.
“Now look underneath the donkeys balls, and between his two front legs.”
The husband does just that.
“Now” the man says, “can you see the clock on the wall of that building over there?”


Now that I've wasted enough of everyone's precious weekend time, it's time to go out and have some real fun. Happy weekend.

2014年4月3日 星期四

Attila Marcel (迷幻了記憶)

After all the films about psychopathic femme-fatale, drug-trafficking related violence, feminine revenge for what's perceeved as teenage sins, it's a positive joy to be see a movie about repairing apparently irreparable damage done to one's psyche whilst one is still a tiny tod. That's Sylvain Chomet's Attila Marcel (2013), whose previous works were all in animations ("Les Triplettes de Belleville" [The Triplets of Belleville](2003) et "L’Illusionniste" [The Illusionist] 2010).  Although it's no longer an animation film but one shot with live actors and actresses, it's difficult for the writer-director to resist the temptation to showcase just a wee bit of his flair for animation and muppet-like sequences.  

2014年4月2日 星期三

Forma (重遇我, 你慌嗎?)

If ever there's a slow burner in the HKIFF so far, its' got to be my fifth film Forma by Ayumi Sakamoto.  It lasts a full 149 minutes. If a movie lasts that long, the director better be prepared to justify it to the audience. As far as I am concerned, no matter how sympathetic I try to be, I can't really find it.
                     
Umeno Nagisa as Kaneshiro Ayako thinking of her revenge upon her high school tennis captain Hosaka Yukari played by Matsuoka Emiko

Forma - H - 2014 

(left) Yukari and (right) Ayako having lunch after Yukari's first day of work under Ayako

2014年4月1日 星期二

Heli (毒粉風暴)

My fourth film at the HKIFF got 7 awards: Lorenzo Hagerman won the Silver Frog for best cinematography from Cameraimage 2013 and at the Stockholm Film Festival 2013, its director Amat Esaclante  won the best director award at the 2013 Cannes Film Festival, the Grand Coral for best film in the Havana Film Festival 2013, the Elcine for the Best Film at the Lima Latin Film Festival, the Louve d'or at the Montréal Festival of New Cinema 2013, the Cine Latino award at the Palm Spring International Film 2014,  Festival of New Cinema 2013. What's all that about? It's Heli, a Mexican film by Latin new wave director Amat Escalante.